


Stoker Series

by Chrysanthinum



Series: Stoker [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Dub!Con, F/M, Gun Violence, M/M, Protective!Meg, Serial Killer!Dean, Suicide, naive!Cas, worried!Lisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-14 16:12:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrysanthinum/pseuds/Chrysanthinum
Summary: After the death of his father and his mother, Castiel Novak runs away with a man he's become infatuated with that he only just met. Will his new life be everything he's dreamed of with this beautiful man, or is Dean Winchester about to be the start of nightmares to come.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a flower does not choose it's color, we are not responsible for what we have come to be

He was here. He was actually _here!_ He was inside Dean’s house! Of course it wasn’t anywhere near as big as his own, (what used to be his) but the facts that it was Dean’s made all the difference in the world to Castiel. It all felt so surreal.

“Are you actually going to go inside or just stand in the doorway all day?” Dean asks, a teasing lilt to his voice as he gently nudges Castiel further into the house so he can get past him with their bags.

“I love it here.” Cas informs Dean, looking around the entryway where they’re standing.

Dean raises and eyebrow at that. “You haven’t even seen any of it yet, Cas. Maybe wait until I give you the tour before you make up your mind on how you feel about it.”

“I don’t need a tour, and I don’t care what the house looks like. As long as I’m with you then I don’t care where we are.” He turns to look at Dean, stars in his eyes.

Dean marches across the small space and lifts Cas up with ease, waiting for the younger boy to wrap his legs around Dean’s waist.

“What do you say we go to my room and I give you a homecoming present?”

Cas smiled and nodded at Dean before he was carried through the living room and down a hallway to go through a doorway and thrown onto a bed.

“Strip.” Dean ordered, taking off his own clothes while Cas hurried to comply, throwing his shirt over his head and then wrestling with his jeans. “God, you’re beautiful.” Dean commented when Cas was naked, save his boxers while Dean was devoid of clothes.

Standing there naked, Dena noticed that Cas was making no move to remove his underwear. He growled before stalking over to the boy and dominating his mouth in a rough kiss.

“Stripping means getting rid of _all_ of your clothes, Cas.” Dean grunted, lips not moving far from Castiel’s as he ripped the younger boys’ in half and off of Cas’ body, causing Cas to gape at Dean for a moment before throwing his head back and moaning out Dean’s name.

Dean chuckled at the reaction he got, “Haven’t even touched you yet sweetheart.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Cas gasped out, trying calm his breathing. “That was so fucking hot, Dean.” Cas surged up and claimed Dean’s lips in a rough kiss, shoving his tongue into the older man’s mouth before he was shoved back down flat on the bed, Dean’s hand on his chest to hold him in place.

“You’re not the one in charge here, sweetheart. Now stay still and don’t move.” Dean ordered while leaning over Cas to reach into the nightstand and coming back with a small bottle of lube. “Flip over, on your hands and knees Cas.”

Cas did as he was told, looking over his shoulder at his lover. “I get all tingly when you get bossy like that, y’know.” One side of Dean’s mouth turned up into a small smirk.

Dean didn’t give a response as he poured some lube on his fingers and started rubbing it around Cas’ pucker before shoving a finger in without warning.

“Dean!” Cas squeals out, surprised by the sudden intrusion, “A little warning would be nice.” He huffs out, rocking slightly on the finger inside him.

“Me getting the lube was warning, Cas. You should probably get used to it soon enough since we’re gonna be living together,” Dean adds another finger with the first inside Cas. “you’ll be getting something a lot bigger than fingers inside you on the daily.” This earned him a low moan from the younger man. “Anyone ever touch you like this Cas? Ever have anything up here?” Dean accentuates the question by adding another finger and wiggling them around inside Cas.

“On-only my… own… fingers.” Cas manages to get out between pants of breath. “Dean, _please_.”

That was all the incentive he needed before he was pulling his fingers out and lubing himself up. “Now, I need you to relax for me or else this is going to hurt more than you want it to.”

Cas nods his head. He can feel himself relax, he’s been waiting for this moment for what feels like… someone is touching him.

Why does he feel like someone’s shaking him? That doesn’t make any sense, Dean’s hands are on his hips.

“ _Cas”_

Castiel tilts his head questioningly. “How did you do that?” Dean just sends an inquisitive look down at him.

“ _Cas, wake up.”_

He feels a slightly harder shove to his shoulder and jolts awake. His neck feels stiff and there’s drool on his shoulder. He’d been dreaming? He was just getting to the good part too!

“You were making some serious happy noises in your sleep, Cas.” Dean informs him. “Were you dreaming about me?” Dean asks with his trademark smirk on his face.

Cas blushes and looks down. “If you must know, yes I was dreaming about you. Thank for interrupting by the way!” He says, only kind of pretending to be mad. “Where are we anyway, why’d you wake me?” Castiel asks, looking at the surroundings outside the car.

“We’re home.”

  _Home._ His home with Dean, Castiel’s heart flutters at the thought. Maybe he shouldn’t be so upset that he was awoken from his slumber, because now that dream can become a reality.

“Okay, I gotta take a piss so if you could grab the bags and take them inside that’d be great. Thanks, babe.” Dean orders more than asks before hopping out of the car and going into the small suburban house.

So maybe it’s not like his dream, but there’s still time for it to turn out that way. And hey, Dean called him babe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hasn't even been a day that Castiel has been staying with Dean when something that has to do with Dean makes him uneasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a skirt needs the wind to billow, I'm not formed by things that are of myself alone

Cas had just got finished lugging in Dean’s bag, which turned out to be a lot heavier than he had expected, when Dean called his name from somewhere in the house.

“Yeah?” Cas yelled into the house.

“Can you come here for a quick second? I need to ask you something.” Leaving his bag where it was in the front entrance of the house, he picked up Dean’s bag and followed the sound of where his voice came from right into a bedroom. His heart started beating rapidly. Castiel knew that there would be a sexy welcome home type of celebration happening. Not that he wanted to sound conceited but he knew he couldn’t be resisted for too long.

Dean’s back was turned toward him and Cas took the opportunity to start taking his clothes off, not wanting to tip off the older man as to what he was doing he asked “What is it that you wanted to ask me, Dean?” If Dean had noticed that Cas’ voice was slightly breathy he didn’t let on that he knew.

When Dean turned around Cas was down to his boxers, hands at his waistband ready to pull them down when. “Whoa, Cas! What the hell are you doing man? Get dressed, we’re going out.” Dean ordered before stepping forward to grab his bag, throwing it on the bed and start digging through it’s contents. He didn’t see Cas’ face fall in disappointment.

“Okay…” Cas began, slowly starting to get dressed again. Before he could say anything else Dean started talking.

“Which do you think would look better on me, this shirt,” he asks while holding up a forest green, long sleeve dress shirt, “or this one?” he holds up another shirt, this one a regular black T-shirt.

Cas looks between the two options before answering. “Well, the green one would really bring out the color of your eyes, but I think you should wear the black one.” Cas informs, pointing at the shirts as he talks about them.

“K, got it. Thanks, babe.” Dean begins stripping off the AC/DC shirt he’d been wearing and replaces it with the t-shirt Cas had picked.

Now that Cas sees the shirt on Dean, he can see that it’s a little too small around his arms but damn does it make them look good. He knew that Dean was muscular, but getting the chance to see the muscle just a few feet in front of him, he wanted to be held up against a wall and taken right there and then.

“You gotta go get changed,” Dean tells him, breaking Cas out of his improper thoughts of being fucked against a wall. “We’re going to a nice place and you can’t wear a shirt that’s stained all to hell like that one is.”

Looking down at his shirt, he can see that Dean has a point. He goes back to the front of the house and starts digging through his bag until he finds a decent enough looking shirt to wear and started changing right there in the entrance hall before going back to the  bedroom Dean was in.

“So where are we going tonight?” He questioned, his curiosity peaked now that they were both dressed in semi-formal clothing and headed to the car.

“We… are going to my favorite restaurant ever.” Dean informs as they reach the care together, a giddy smile on his face as he opens his door and slips inside.

Slipping in after Dean he asks while buckling in, “And what exactly is the name of your favorite restaurant?” He slid his hand into the middle of the seat between them, hoping Dean would get the hint.

“I guess you’ll just have to find out when we get there won’t you? I love this place, it’s so great.” Dean responded, grabbing the proffered hand, bringing it up to his lips and giving it a small kiss before lacing their fingers and setting them back down on the seat.

“If you love the place, then I’ll love it too.” Cas says, rubbing his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand.

 

 

Cas did not love this place so far. The first thing Dean did when they pulled into the parking lot was rip his hand away from Cas’ and wipe it on his jeans like he was gonna get sick just from touching Cas for so long.

They got out of the car at the same time but Dean seemed so excited to get into the building that he was quite a few steps in front of Cas, not bothering to slow down and wait for him.

Stepping into the building, Cas could see why Dean liked it. It had a very romantic feel to it, the lights were dim but not too dark. Candles seemed to be gracing every table top, everything was very beautiful and clean. Castiel wasn’t too sure that his mouth wasn’t slightly gaping because of how beautiful it was.

He was brought out of his musings when Dean addresses the hostess. “Hi, I have a reservation under Winchester for two.” Dean directed a grin at the hostess. Cas moved closer to Dean so they were shoulder to should and he could swear that when he did that, Dean moved himself so they weren’t touching anymore.

The hostess, Meg her nametag read, who looked completely unimpressed with Dean started typing into the computer to find his reservation. “Okay Mr. Winchester and...” she looked from Dean to Castiel and paused “guest.” She said and gave Cas a flirty smile. “If you’ll just follow me.”

Cas started to follow her to the table, Meg swaying her hips dramatically in front of them to try and gain Cas’ attention. Though he paid her no mind, Dean seemed to have noticed and put his arm around Castiel’s waist and pulled him into his side while they walked.

They got to their seats and Meg put a hand on both of their arms. “Your server will be right with you gentlemen.” Dean plops into his seat, Meg’s hand slipping off his arm while Cas takes his seat slower, Meg sliding her hand off his arm and winking at him before leaving them.

Cas looks over at Dean and sees that his jaw is clenched and his eyes are hard, hands balled into fists on the table. Cas reaches over and places his hand on top of one of Dean’s fisted hands. “Dean, are you okay?”

That seems to get Dean back to himself. He smile across at Cas. “Fine, I just didn’t like the way she was all over you, I thought it was obvious we were here together.” Before Dean could get worked up again Cas placed his free hand on top of Dean’s other that was still balled up.

“I didn’t even pay any attention to her Dean. I only pay attention to you, you’re the one I’m focused on okay?” The scowl on Dean’s face transformed into a small smile as he nodded.

“Alright, Cas.” He said, flipping his hand so that he could enlace their fingers together on top of the table. “Right, tonight’s about us not some bimbo. I actually have a surprise for you.” Dean took one of his hands back to reach into his pocket but stopped and took his other hand out from under Cas’ when their waitress showed up.

“Hello, welcome to Heaven’s Garden. Can I start you with anything to…”

“Lisa.”

Only just noticing who’s sitting at the table, she looks toward Dean, giving him a tight lipped smile before clearing her throat and continuing while looking only at Cas. “Can I get you boys anything to drink?”

“I’ll have a coke please.” Cas replied, not missing the weird behavior of the waitress.

“And for you sir?” She addresses Dean, still not even looking in his direction.

“Oh come on Lis, you know what I like.” Dean says, a shit-eating grin on his face as he leans back in his chair.

Lisa is still staring at Cas and he could have sworn he saw her eyes get watery before she leaves the table.

“That was kind of rude wasn’t it? She didn’t even look at you.” Cas says to Dean.

“No it’s fine,” Dean reassures, “Just figure out what you want to eat, my treat.”

Well he wasn’t going to say no to that, so he started reading his menu while Dean seemed to already knew what he wanted.

After Lisa came back with their drinks and they ordered their food, the waitress still not looking in Dean’s direction, they sat and talked about things that needed to be done and about how glad they’d done this. Once their food came they sat and ate in an amiable silence, the sound of their chewing the only thing to be heard.

Cas looked up from his plate and saw Meg and Lisa standing together near an empty table on the other side of the restaurant. Lisa had her hand gripping Meg’s arms and she was pointing toward their table.

Cas lightly kicked Dean under the table to gain Dean’s attention, then pointed toward the two women who were talking about them. When Dean turned around to see what Cas was trying to get him to see, the two girls broke apart and disappeared from view in a matter of seconds.

Dean stabbed his fork into his steak with more force than necessary and continued eating, so Cas did too.

 

They were leaving the restaurant when Meg called for Cas. “Hey hot stuff, the “guest” with Winchester. You’ve got a little something right here.” She said, motioning to the side of her mouth. Cas wiped the side of his mouth where she gestured to, not realizing he’d made a mess of himself.

“No you didn’t get it, let me help. She reached under the stand she was at and pulled out a napkin before walking to Cas and wiping his mouth for him. “There you go, all clean.” She says before crumpling the napkin and putting it in Cas’ hand, closing his fist around it.

Dean was staring daggers at Meg as they started to leave the restaurant again. Cas being a few steps behind Dean. Cas opened the napkin a bit to run it over his mouth once more, just in case he had anything else on his face when he noticed writing on it.

_Be Careful With Him_

After that was a phone number and a house address. He shoved the napkin into his pocket just as they got to the impala.

“I almost forgot, Cas!” Dean says, reaching into his pocket and clenching something in his fist. “It is really rude to throw gifts.” He says, then proceeds to dangle a key on a chain in front of Cas.

_'In a small fit of anger, Cas threw the key and watched it disappear in a dark spot in the attic.'_

“Dean, you’re the one who gave this to me for my birthday? Why didn’t you just let me know what it was for then instead of waiting so long?”

“Because I wasn’t exactly sure how the whole thing was going to play out. But I’m glad it ended up the way it did.” Dean gave a soft smile.

“This is to your house?” Cas asked in awe.

“No,” Cas could feel his heart sink, “it’s the key to our house.”

Leaning over in the seat, he captured Dean’s lips in a kiss before sitting back in his seat. They started back toward the house when something occurred to Cas.

“How did you even find this? I threw it, and you weren’t even there. You couldn’t have possible know where it was.”

Dean reached over and grabbed Cas’ hand, rubbing the back of his knuckles. “I’m always there Cas, I see everything you do.” No matter how hard he tried, Cas couldn’t make that sound romantic instead of creepy. He forced a smile and touched his pocket to reassure himself that he still had the number and address. Just in case.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay no summary this time but whoa two chapters in just a couple of days, and I'm already working on the next one! Let me know what you think :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To become adult, is to become free

They make it to the house before Cas can’t bite his tongue anymore. “So who was she?” He asks, feigning innocent curiosity.

“Who’s who?” Dean shoots back, going into the kitchen with Cas following behind.

“The waitress. The pretty one with dark hair,” Dean stars digging into the freezer, grabbing a tub of ice cream but turns around long enough to quirk a brow at Cas. “Lisa, Dean. Our waitress, Lisa. Did something go on between you guys? Did you date and it didn’t end on good terms, you have to tell me something because the energy I felt was just weird.” He crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for an answer he wasn’t positive he would get.

“Jealous Cas?” Dean abandons the ice cream tub on the counter and walks over to Cas, wrapping his arms around the younger man.

Cas worms in Dean’s arms, trying to loosen Dean’s grip. “I’m not jealous, I just…” he paused, thinking back to the scared looks on the faces of Meg and Lisa. “I just want to know if she’s some crazy ex that I’ll have to worry about coming in and trying to ruin what just got started.” He flutters his lashes, hoping he doesn’t look as suspicious as he feels he does.

Dean leans down to peck him on the lips, “Don’t worry, she’s in the past for me. You’re the one that I want now, not her.” He releases Cas from his grip, Cas breathing a quiet sigh of relief at being let go.

“Do you want me to make you a bowl too?” He throws behind him, not turning around.

“No that’s okay, I… I actually filled up on dinner. Thank you, for paying by the way.” Cas gives a strained smile at Dean’s back, crossing his arms over his stomach.

“Filled up on dinner?!” Dean exclaims, “You barely touched your food, you feelin alright?” Dean comes closer, an inquisitive look on his face.

“Actually, now that you mention it, I’m not feeling so well right now. If you don’t mind I think I’d like to just go to bed now.” Cas tries his best to sound sick.

Dean nods his head. “Yeah, that’s fine. I thought maybe we’d get to break in the bed our first night together but I guess it can wait.” Dean shrugs, Cas gives him a fond smile and starts to walk to their bedroom. “Whoa, where are you going?” Dean asks, just before Cas enters the room.

“I don’t fee-“

“Yeah, I heard you, you don’t feel well. Just because you’re sick doesn’t mean that I have to be getting sick too. You should take the guest bedroom, just until you feel better.” Dean says, almost order Castiel, and motions to the guest bedroom.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I think I’ll just do that, wouldn’t want you getting sick. Goodnight, Dean.” With that he goes to the guest bedroom and closes the door behind him. He walks over to the bed and lies down, throwing an arm over his eyes. Just before he was about to slip into sleep, he remembered the napkin in his pocket. He sits up in the bed, quietly taking the napkin out of his pocket though there was no way Dean would’ve been able to hear it, and slid the napkin into the bedside table, quietly closing it when he was done.

He’s just nervous. Who wouldn’t be nervous after they just killed their own mother and ran off to fuck-knows-where with an incredibly suspicious man?

 

 

For the second time in two days he’s woken up by a light shake on his shoulder. “Hmph.” He grumbles, shoving his face further into the pillow.

“Cas, I made some breakfast for us. You feeling well enough to eat this morning or am I gonna have to eat both plates alone?” He can hear the smile in Dean’s voice. He can’t help but let a small smile form on his lips too as he opens his eyes.

“You made breakfast?” He asks, puzzled. His own parents barely even made him breakfast, he always had to fend for himself.

Dean’s rubbing a soothing hand from Cas’ hip down to his ankle and back up in a repetitive motion. “We can’t have you being sick, figured the best way to kick it in the butt is to start the day out right with a balanced breakfast of pancakes and lots of bacon.” Cas sits up. His eyes wander to the bedside table without his permission. Dean follows to where his eyes are and moves into his field of vision. “You okay?”

Cas mentally slaps himself. “Fine, it’s just that I’m not used to someone being nice to me is all. But you… you’ve been so kind since we met.” And it’s the truth, Dean has been the nicest to him than anyone has been in a long time. He just wishes it was enough. “Let’s go eat before it gets cold.”

 He climbs out of bed heading for the door when Dean grabs his wrist and spins him back, planting a small but lingering kiss on his lips. Cas must have had a confused look on his face, “You just look really cute when you first wake up.”

They both head out of the room, Cas going to the kitchen but Dean going further into the hall. “What are you doing?”

“I just need to use the bathroom real quick,” Dean assures opening the bathroom door as if to prove it. Right before he walks in though he points back at Cas, “You go eat, and don’t touch my bacon.” He says, a fake sternness to his voice.

Cas rolls his eyes and smiles, going to take his seat at the table in front of the spread Dean had made them, two plates already set with food on them and extra in the middle of the table “Why the hell not.” He says to himself before taking a piece of bacon off of Dean’s plate.

It’s a few minutes before Dean gets back to the table. Cas can’t help but take a jab at him for it, “Everything go okay in there? You let your food get cold, that doesn’t seem like you.” Cas is surprised that he actually is a bit worried. Dean doesn’t let good get cold, he practically swallow it whole.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Just almost got sick in there for a second. But don’t worry, everything is okay now.” Dean gives him a reassuring smile, reaching for Cas’ hand which Cas willingly gives him.

Cas can see a faint flush on Dean’s cheeks. While he has seen that same shade of red on Dean before, like the time he was strangling Balthazar with a belt, it’s also something that happens when people are sick. “If you need me to take the impala and go get you some medicine, then I can. It’s not a big deal.”

“Really, Cas, it’s fine. I’ll be okay, probably just a bug that’ll be gone by tomorrow.” He rubs his thumbs across the backs of Cas’ knuckles. He couldn’t be certain, but he thought he felt Dean’s hand tightening around his before he let go. “May as well finish breakfast.” Dean says, clapping his hands together and eating his already cold food, Cas grimacing at the thought of cold pancakes and bacon.

Dean must have noticed his disgusted look. “Dude, it’s bacon!” Dean says, shoving a couple of strips into his mouth while Cas gets up to wash his dishes.

“Okay, I really need to shower, with the whole being sick yesterday thing and I feel gross. I’ll be quick though and then we can just relax today until you get better.” With that he kisses Dean’s cheek and heads to their shared bedroom to get clothes to change into.

Dean watches as Cas closes the bathroom door and waits for the water to start running before he gets up and gets in the impala. He’ll be quick. He just needed to take care of a problem and Cas wouldn’t even know he’d been gone. He was gonna fix this, he would not let another person be taken away from him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death seems to be following Castiel wherever he goes recently. Yeah, sure he's the one who pulled the trigger and killed his mother but she was a bad mom so he made the right choice... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point in our lives we realize things are screwed up beyond repair

Cas gets out of the shower expecting to see Dean sitting on the couch with his feet propped up, but he’s not there. “Dean?” he calls into the quiet house, turning in a circle as if Dean would have been behind him the whole time. He walks around the house and still doesn’t see Dean. He’s about to pull out his cell to call him when the front door opens and Dean walks in, looking in much better condition than Cas saw before his shower.

“Hey, that was quick.” Dean comments, “I thought I’d be back before you got out, sorry about that.” He throws the keys to the car onto a small table by the door before kicking it shut.

“Back? Back from where, you shouldn’t be going anywhere when you’re sick.” Cas chastises him.

Dean waves his hand flippantly in Cas’ general direction. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Actually I think that was just what I needed,” Dean says, flopping onto the couch and putting his arm out for Cas to join him.

“If you’re sure,” he says as he sits next to the man on the couch and leans into his side, curling his feet under him while Dean wraps a tight arm around Cas’ shoulders.

Cas lets himself melt into Dean’s side, not feeling the tenseness in the other man’s body.

 

 

He doesn’t know when exactly he fell asleep but when he woke up he was alone on the couch. Sitting up, he wipes his eyes and drops the blanket that had been draped over him. He’s startled when he realizes he’s not alone in the room, and there is someone sitting on the plush lazy boy across from where he’d been laying.

He jumps and scurries to get up, to protect himself, to do anything other than sit there and become a victim to whatever the intruder was gonna do to him. He reaches his hands out, grasping for anything he can use as a weapon when a lamp is turned on.

“Calm down, Cas. S’just me, didn’t want to wake you with the light.” Dean informs calmly, twirling an empty beer bottle in his hand before setting it down next to other empties.

“So you thought it’d be better to give me a heart attack?!” Cas screams at him, bringing a hand to his chest and trying to calm his racing heart.

Dean lifts his head to look at Cas. It’s obvious he was well on his way to drunk, or maybe he was already hammered. Cas couldn’t tell, he’d never seen Dean this way.

He cocks his head to the side. “Are you okay?” He starts to make his way to Dean when he stops in his tracks after seeing that Dean is holding something up.

“What is this, Cas?” He requests kindly.

He doesn’t even have to look all that close to recognize the napkin that was given to him by   
Meg. He slowly sinks back down onto the couch. “It’s the uh… it’s the napkin that the hostess used to get food off my face.” He says, clearing his throat.

“If that’s all you thought it was, why did you put it in the guest room nightstand?” He sets the napkin on the coffee table between them and pushes it toward Cas. “I’ve already called her. Hell, I already went to see her.”

Cas sends an inquisitive look Dean’s way. “Dean, I swear that I have no idea what she wanted, I thought she was just helping me wi-“

“Bullshit!” He yells, slamming his fist on the table. “You think I’m that stupid that I would believe you didn’t read it?” He gets up and starts pacing, “Did you call her?”

“No, Dean I swear. I don’t even know why she did this.” Cas picks up the napkin and waves it in front of him. “You said you did, though. Why?”

“Obviously she had a thing for you Cas! Couldn’t you tell, she was all over you at the restaurant so I called her and went to her place to set her straight about us. To tell her that you’re taken, that’s all.” He stops pacing and faces Cas, “You believe that’s all I did don’t you? I just wanted her to know that you are not available. I swear that’s all I did.”

Cas could see that Dean needed this, desperately needed Cas’ acceptance of the truth. “I believe you.” He gets up and grabs Dean’s hand, pulling him toward their room. “I think you need to sleep this off. We can forget about all of this okay? We’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll be like nothing happened.” Cas gets Dean to the bedroom and makes him sit on the edge of the bed while he starts taking layers of clothes off the older man.

When he’s down to just Dean’s boxers his wrist gets grabbed in a loose hand. Dean stands up and maneuvers him so that he can start disrobing Cas himself until they’re both left in just underwear.

He lightly pushes Cas up onto the bed before crawling on after him. Dean trails light kisses over Cas’ neck and works his way down to his chest before going back to the younger man’s mouth and practically devouring him.

He couldn’t help but kiss back. He’d never seen Dean like this before, with all of this raw emotion, and all because he was what? Jealous that someone may have liked Cas? He’d gotten Dean all wrong, how could he have possibly thought anything bad about this man? He lost his brother at such a young age, he just doesn’t want to lose anyone else.

He’s broken out of his thoughts when his boxers start getting pulled down. He lifts his hips to help, gaining a small groan from Dean. The kiss breaks long enough for Dean to dig through the side table and come back with a bottle of lube.

His first time having sex with Dean isn’t what he thought it would be. It was… great, it was slow and gentle. He thought it’d be raw and quick, thought Dean would just claim him and mark him up to let everyone know who Cas belonged to. It surprises him how okay he was with being taken apart by Dean; with the gentle ministrations and the way he was slowly worked open until he could fit all of Dean inside him. He knows that they just started this… thing, whatever it was between them, but he hopes it never ends.

After they both finished Dean got up to get a wet cloth and clean them both up before climbing onto the bed behind Cas, pulling him close so they were spooned together, gentle kisses being left on top of Cas’ head. It didn’t take long for Dean’s breathing to even out, and as comfortable as he was wrapped up in Dean’s arms, Castiel had a harder time falling asleep. When he was finally able to drift off it felt like he was being awoken just minutes later, but looking at the clock he sees that he’d been asleep for the better part of nine hours.

He looks across the room to see Dean coming out of the bathroom, nothing but a pair of tight fitting boxer briefs on. When Dean notices Cas is awake he smiles and walks to the side of the bed he’s still lying on.

“Hey, it’s about time you woke up. Why don’t you go watch some television or something while I cook us some food, sound good?” Dean kisses him on the head and without waiting for an answer leaves the bedroom to get started on food for them.

Cas rolls over onto his back and stretches. He can feel how sore he is from last night, and though it’s slightly unpleasant he still loves the feeling. He gets out of bed and goes to his and Dean’s shared dresser, grabbing the first pair of boxers he gets his hands on before slipping them on and padding out to the living room.

He can smell the alluring aroma of bacon and eggs as he switches the tv on, figuring he would just channel surf until he found something that looked decent enough to watch. He stops when he sees a familiar face pop up on the screen.

_“Earlier this evening, the body of one Megan Masters was found inside her home dead. Police said that though it had initially looked like suicide, there was evidence found at the crime scene that made them detect foul play was involved. With the evidence not being concrete enough they will continue to search for th-“_

Cas’ rapt attention on the screen was abruptly cut off when the tv set turned black. He whips his head around to see Dean standing behind him, jaw clenched and remote in hand.

“Food is ready.” Dean doesn’t wait for an answer when he throws the remote onto the couch and walks back into the kitchen, stiff as a board.

The younger man stands and follows. “So that’s crazy huh?” He tries, slowly taking a seat at the table.

“Mhm.” Dean says, mouth already stuffed to the point he can’t talk.

“Weird how we just saw her the other day. Except for you, I guess you saw her last night. I guess I just never realized how often people die… especially recently. It just seems like since I met you it’s been all around me.” Cas shakes his head slightly, looking down at his plate.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!?” Cas’ head snaps up at the agitated voice to find daggers being sent toward him.

“Nothing, I mean… it’s just sad ya know?” He gives Dean an awkward smile.

Dean seems to visibly relax at that, not having caught on to the tension in Cas’ posture. “I guess it’s sad to you, I’ve been around death my whole life. You didn’t even know this chick anyway so who cares that she died?” Dean gets out of his seat, having finished his plate and walks over to Cas’ side and picks up his half empty plate as well.

He’s about to speak up about not having been done eating when he hears Dean mumbling to himself, so he strains to listen.

“Evidence my ass, cops can sucks my _dick”_

Cas’ breath hitches in his throat. He’s made a big mistake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas could've been at home with his mother playing piano right now and having a pretty decent life instead of in this mess. Ya know, if he hadn't killed her

 

Cas spends the rest of the day quietly dancing around Dean, trying not to make it too obvious that that’s what he’s doing. When Dean would bring up how quiet he was he’d make up an excuse like “I don’t have anything to talk about” or “I was always pretty fond of the quiet” until it started to get late. He couldn’t help but think about where he’s going to sleep tonight. He’s going to have to sleep in the same bed as Dean. The same bed as the man who was going to kill his father and wanted to kill his mother, and now who has most likely killed an innocent woman.

They eat lunch on opposite ends of the couch, Dean casting curious glances Cas’ way that he pretends not to noticed as he keeps his eyes glued to whatever is happening on TV. Dean pops in a movie after that. Cas would never be able to tell you the name of it but he chuckles at what seems like the appropriate time, that at least seems to make the furtive looks being cast at him lessen a bit.

Cas stands up from the couch, “I’m going to go take a shower.” He’s doesn’t want to be in the same room as Dean right now, he just can’t.

“Alright.” Dean says, standing up as well.

“What are you doing?” Cas questions the older man. Sure, kinky shower sex may have sounded like something he wanted to try with Dean at some point but not anymore.

“I’m just going to get a drink from the kitchen, go take your shower.” Dean waves Cas forward toward the bathroom.

Nodding his head, Cas turns back around and heads toward the bathroom again when he’s grabbed from behind and something soft is placed over his mouth and nose, sending him into unconsciousness.

                                                                                            

 

When Cas opens his eyes he realizes that he’s not asleep in his bed, but instead is in Dean’s car speeding down a deserted country road in God-knows-where. His neck feels stiff from the way it was crooked and leaning against the car window but he pulls his head up and looks to the drivers seat.

“Good morning sleeping beauty, how are you feeling?” Dean questions, genuine curiosity lacing his voice.

Cas sits up straight in his seat, anger etched on his face as he glares at Dean. “What did you do to me?”

“I didn’t do anything to you!” Dean scoffs, “A little bit of chloroform never hurt anybody.” He adds, sounding affronted.

“What the hell Dean! You can’t just drug me and throw me into a car to take to the middle of bum-fuck nowhere!” Dean sighs and starts slowing down so that he can pull over to the side of the road. Cas starts to unbuckle himself and he opens his door, about to step out of the car when Dean speaks up, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Dean informs, calm as ever.

“And why is that?” Cas turns around to face Dean just in time to be grabbed and dragged back into the car as a wet cloth gets placed over his mouth again before he passes out.

 

 

This time when he wakes up he’s on a bed, but not the bed he shared with Dean at the house they lived in for a short amount of time. He looked at his surroundings and nothing was familiar to him. He gets out of the bed and heads to the door closest to the bed and turns the doorknob only to find it locked. He heaves out a heavy sigh.

“Dean!” He yells, hoping Dean is close enough to hear him. He waits for what he thinks is a couple of minutes, he can’t tell since there’s no clock in the room, before he bangs on the door a couple of times. “Dean, let me out!” After a few more minutes he went past mad and was now just plain pissed. He walks back to the door and starts wailing on it with his fists, it starts to hurt after a little bit but he doesn’t care. When the pain in his hands gets to be too much for him he gives up and goes to lie down on the bed. He looks at the sides of his fists and realizes they’re bleeding from when he was hitting the door. He rubs the sides of his hands on his jeans to get rid of the blood and hisses in pain. He shakes his head and feels a single tear roll down his cheek.

After what feels like, and very well could have been, hours the door to the room starts to open. Cas is on his feet in an instant and backing up to the furthest corner of the room from the door. He may want to get out of the room, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be around Dean.

“Hey, I brought you something to eat.” Dean offers as he enters the room, shutting the door behind him and walking toward Cas with a tray that has two burgers on it.

Cas puts his hands out in front of him, “Don’t come near me.” He orders Dean, hoping he’ll listen.

Dean stops walking, raking his eyes over the boy until he notices the dried blood on Cas’ hands. He sets the tray on the bed, “What the hell did you do to yourself?” He demands from Cas, marching the short distance between them and grabs both of his hands and yanks them closer to his face.

“What did _I_ do?!” Cas yells, trying to wretch his hands from Dean’s grip and failing. “You did this to me! You’re the one who drugged me, twice! And then locked me in this room for God knows how long, you’re the one who killed that innocent hostess, it’s you Dean! This,” Cas exclaims, finally pulling his hands out of Dean’s hold. “is your fault and I shouldn’t have ever come with you!” Cas doesn’t know when he started crying but he can feel the tears running down his face now, and he can see the hurt and unshed tears in Dean’s eyes too.

“You don’t mean that.” Dean says, voice breaking as he shakes his head.

“I _hate_ you, Dean! I rue the day I met you. I used to think you were the best thing that happened to me but you’ve ruined my life!”

Cas can see a tear fall from Dean but he wipes both of his eyes before anymore can follow. The heartbroken look on Dean’s face is replaced with a hard stone-cold one in an instant. He walks back to the door and opens it, standing in the doorway. “Eat your dinner, I’ll bring you some breakfast in the morning. There’s a first-aid kit in the bathroom if you want to use it.” He informs with his back to Cas before slamming the door shut and locking it again behind him.

 

Cas eventually eats one of the burgers when he gets hungry enough, saving the other for later in case Dean decides not to feed him. He also realizes for the first time that there’s no other door in his room besides the one that leads out. He goes and jiggles the door handle and it turns without a problem. Cas slowly opens the door and is greeted with an empty hallway and an open door that leads to a bathroom to the side.

He slips into the bathroom and quickly cleans and bandages his hands before stepping back out into the hallway. As he walks away from the room he was in initially he expects to be jumped and dragged back but Dean but nothing happens. He makes his way throughout the… house? Apartment? He doesn’t know what kind of building he’s in since there aren’t any windows for him to have even a hint of where he was taken.

After walking around the whole house and, thankfully, not finding Dean in any of the rooms he goes back into the room he woke up in and sat at the head of the bed. “Now what?” He asks nobody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while and I said that I wouldn't abandon this fic and I won't. For those of you who are still here, thanks for sticking with me!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wear my father's belt and my mother's blouse, and shoes which are from my uncle. This is me.

Dean had been watching, unseen, while Cas took a few minutes to explore what he referred to as ‘the bunker’. Watching while he opened and closed doors just to stick his head in and then move on, (without even closing the doors afterwards, rude). There was one thing though, just one thing that Dean couldn’t wrap his head around. The kid didn’t even try and leave! Dean left his door unlocked and made himself scarce to Cas on purpose, and he didn’t even try and leave! Didn’t even go near the exit, matter of fact. While it was definitely something that he was thankful for, it also had his mind racing with questions that he wanted answered, but that could wait. For now he’ll give Cas the space he needs and wait for him to come crawling back like Dean desperately wants him to.

 

 

The silence in the room is deafening. Cas has a ringing in his ears and he wishes he had something to tune it out but there’s nothing that can help it. He’d almost rather be yelling at Dean again just for something to do, but there’s a part of him that says that he doesn’t need to talk to him anymore and he shouldn’t want to no matter what.

He lies back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He could just leave the room and find a television, but he didn’t want to risk running into Dean being dragged somewhere else against his will again.

Figuring there was only one things he could do that would occupy him, for a little while at least, Cas brings his hand down and starts to slowly palm his crotch. He conjured up the images of him and Dean when they were camping, of Dean’s hand on his cock, of the heat in Dean’s eyes as he restrained himself from going further with Cas. His hand was picking up pace now remembering how great Dean was and how he made him feel, hell, still makes him feel whether he wants to feel it or not. He was on the edge now, he just wanted to feel good.

The door to the room he as in burst open and he connected eyes with Dean and shot all over his fist and shirt. It felt so good that he just kept pumping, not caring that it was so wrong or that Dean was just standing there slack jawed while watching him finish himself off.

Cas was too sated to care about covering himself up after he finished or to even clean himself up. He didn’t even realize that Dean was still in the room until he heard someone clear their throat.

“So uh….” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, then instantly the apologetic and sheepish look on his face he had for interrupting Castiel was replaced with a cocky smirk. “were you thinking of me?” He wiggled his eyebrows and blew a kiss Cas’ way.

Rolling his eyes, Cas sat up and carefully took off his shirt and threw it in the corner of the room. It’s not like it was his room or even his house so Dean can pick it up if he has a problem with it.

“If you must know, yes I was. Except it was the you that I knew before finding out that you were psychotic and killed and drugged people!” He yelled, crossing his arms over his chest and moving to sit up against the headboard.

“Didn’t see you too bent up about it when you were the murderer and shot your own mother in the face.” Dean shrugged

Cas was on his feet in an instant and in Dean’s face, or as much as he could be with the height difference. “I would’ve never don’t that if you hadn’t come into my life. I could be living my boring life in my boring house and applying to colleges right now if it weren’t for you ruining everything!”

“Funny, I don’t seem to remember you hating the fact that I was here when you were begging me to pound your lily white ass into the ground!” Dean yells back angrily.

Cas pushes Dean’s chest as hard as he can, the bigger man barely budging. “Things are different now! Things have changed Dean! I hate you!” Cas can feel the tears pooling in his eyes from how angry he is, none of them falling, as he continues to beat on Dean’s chest.

Dean grabbed Cas’ wrists in an iron grip, eyes filled with rage. “This can go one of two ways, Cas,” At the steely sound of Dean’s voice Cas starts pulling futilely to get out of Dean’s grip, now scared even more than he might have been before. “you can either continue being a brat and you can stay in this room until you behave, or you can come out with me and I can make us a lovely dinner that we will both enjoy and I will allow you to sleep in my nice warm and comfortable bed with me tonight. I’d pick wisely if I were you, sweetheart.”

Cas can feel his heartbeat pick up and he swears he’s having a heart attack right now. He swallows, hard and audibly, “So basically…you starve me… or I sleep in the same bed as you.” Cas states more than asks his captor.

“Those are your words, not mine. I’m not some kind of monster, Cas.” The grip on Cas’ wrists tighten to a painful level for a fraction of a second before it loosens again. Gritting his teeth, and knowing he would probably regret it, he made his decision.

“I wouldn’t want to sleep in the same bed with you if it was the last bed on earth.” With that final decision Dean forcefully dropped his hands and glared at the boy.

“Fine, whatever you want.” Dean gave a tight smile and left the room, slamming the door behind him. After a few second Cas could hear what sounded like the door being locked from the outside.

Cas immediately turned to the door and tried to turn the knob, not being able to turn it. The realization the Dean had locked him in this room dawned on him.  He pounds on the door a few times, as if it would help him get out. “Asshole!” he yells through the door. Defeated, he leans his back against the door and sinks down. “He’s just going to leave me here for God knows how long.” He whispered to himself.

The realization dawning on him makes him start hyperventilating. He’s having a panic attack and he doesn’t have anyone hear who can rub his back or try and help him calm his breathing. He can’t help the few tears that escape his eyes as he thinks about how this is how he’s going to die; all alone in a room in the middle of nowhere just because he refused to sleep with somebody. Sobs start to wrack his body and he starts rocking back and forth, wrapping his arms around his legs.

“Dean!” The boy pleads, throwing his head back against the door. He can’t let himself do this, he can’t just sit here and let himself die when he doesn’t have to. Dean just needs to listen to him, just needs to come let Cas out and everything will be fine again. “Dean please come back!” The boy yells as loud as he can through gasps of air.”

 

 

Dean can hear Cas bawling and pleading for him just on the other side of the door he was leaning against. He gave Cas a choice, and he knew what the consequences would be. Dean shouldn’t feel sorry for him. Yet he did, the person he loves was terrified and alone because of him. Call him a pushover but he couldn’t just let Cas sit in there thinking he would actually leave him.

Taking a few steps away from the door Dean takes a deep breath. He needed to seem as unaffected as possible so that Cas would know who was really in charge here. He takes a key out of his pocket and unlocks the door.

 

 

Cas hears the door start to unlock and he scrambles to his feet and backs away just in time for Dean to swing the door open. Cas wipes the tears from his face and tries to stop his labored breathing.

“Cas,” Dean starts, steel in his voice “you knew what decision you made.”

Nodding his head and taking a few steps closer he admits, “I did… or I thought I did but I can’t do it.” Cas takes a deep breath and walks up to the older man, wrapping his arms around him and pushing his face into his chest. “I need you, Dean.”

Dean stands there stunned for a moment before wrapping his arms loosely around Cas’ back. His voice comes out softer next “So you will sleep in the same bed as me?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“You’ll spend time with me won’t you?”

“Always.” Dean could feel Cas nodding his head against him. He tightens his arms around the younger man, tight enough that he knows Cas might be having a difficult time breathing.

“You’ll never leave me?”

“…Never.” Cas gasped out, telling Dean what he wanted to hear.

Dean started placing kisses on top of Cas’ head as he loosened his hold. “I knew you’d make the right decision.”

‘So did I’ Cas thought to himself. ‘It just wasn’t this’.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's not the butterflies that tell you you're in love, it's the pain

He didn’t think that changing his mind would mean being watched like a hawk every second of every day. He even had to convince Dean that he didn’t need a chaperone when using the bathroom which took almost a week after he got out of the room. Mostly he was glad that nothing had happened when he had to sleep in the same bed as Dean, but he needed Dean to let his guard down. He knew there was probably only one way that he could get Dean to trust him again and as much as he didn’t want to resort to it, he knew he may not have a choice.

They were sitting on the couch watching a movie, Cas pulled into Dean’s side with an arm holding him close. Dean said he liked cuddling but Cas wasn’t stupid, he knew Dean wanted to sit like this to make sure that there would be no chance of bolting. Cas took a deep breath and let it all out as quietly as he could before tilting his head up and placing a small kiss on the side of Dean’s neck.

Dean’s eyes stayed fixed on the television, seemingly unfazed. Cas tried again, this time adding a small nip and lick. Still nothing. Rolling his eyes he decided to try harder. Sitting up, he swung one of his legs over Dean’s lap and face him, easier said than done with Dean’s iron grip on him, going back to working on the man’s neck. He could feel Dean tense under his mouth and smiled to himself before he was being pushed away and held at arm’s length by Dean.

“What the hell are you doing?” He demanded, confusion and irritation in his voice.

“I just, thought that you might want to fool around a little bit.” Cas said, trying to go back to his ministrations but not being able to move forward with the hold on him.

“Cas, stop. You don’t want this, I’m not stupid.” Dean says, hurt on his face.

“I do want this Dean!” He didn’t. “I want this, I want you.” He softens his voice and brings his hands up, trying to grab Dean wherever he can.

“I’m not…” Dean swallows hard and his hands leave Cas’ shoulders to rest on his own legs, “I’m not a rapist, Cas. I can’t do this to you, not unless I know you one hundred percent want it.”

At least that was one things that Dean had going for him right now, and as much as Cas knew he didn’t want it, he knew he needed this to happen. He threw his now free arms over Dean’s shoulders and ground his hips down on Dean’s lap. “I want this Dean, please I need this, it‘s been too long.” Dean groaned and his hands came to rest on Cas’ hips, helping him along with his movements.

“Cas,” Dean is already breathless, “If we’re gonna do this, then we’re going to do this right.” Then Cas was being lifted and carried in the direction of the room he’d been sharing with Dean. When they got there he was gently placed on the bed while Dean rummaged through the bedside table. Cas watched him while he pulled out lube and a condom, slowing his breath to make it seem he was more horny than nervous. “I’ll go slow.” Dean reassured him, throwing what they needed on the bed and kissing Cas soundly on the lips.

Dean motioned for Cas to lift his arms and took his shirt off when he did. Pausing to strip himself of his own clothes Dean threw them to the side of the room before going back to Cas. He worked to unbutton and unzip the other man’s jeans and after they were off and thrown to the side he looked up for confirmation that this was still okay, gaining a head nod from Cas. Dean goes back up to the top of the bed to give the boy a slow kiss and is rewarded with a low moan, giving one in return. He licks his way down Cas’ body, trying to go as slow as possible like he said he would. Reaching the underwear he slowly peeled them off and threw them with the rest of the clothes, staring down at the beautiful body laid bare before him.

Flicking open the bottle of lube he could see that Cas was still mostly soft and he stopped. “Cas,”

“Dean I swear I want this, I just need a minute.” He reassured Dean, knowing what was coming. “Please.”

Nodding his head he thought for a second. “Why don’t you get on your hands and knees, it’ll be easier to get you ready, then once you’re prepped you can roll back over if you want.”

Nodding his head, he rolled over onto all fours. He’d rather just imagine it was someone else who he was letting do this to him anyway. He could feel Dean start to open him up, slowly adding a finger after he was ready for it. When he could feel three fingers inside him he could feel Dean start to crook his fingers and apparently Dean has a great memory form last time since he found Cas’ prostate and started rubbing it pretty quick.

Dean was happy when Cas started moaning when he’d found what he was looking for inside the boy. He put more pressure on his prostate and reveled in the noises coming from the boy. He could see the boys cock starting to leak onto the bedspread and slowly pulled his fingers out, earning a whine from him. Leaning down to pick up a condom from the bed he slid it on.

Dean leaned over Cas’ back and kissed the side of his neck. “Are you ready?” Cas nodded his head, panting at the stimulation that he wanted back. Dean sat up and stroked a hand along Cas’ side. “You wanna roll back over first?” Cas shakes his head ‘no’.

“Like this.” He wasn’t able to see the slightly hurt expression on Dean’s face but he didn’t care when he felt a pressure at his hole as Dean started to push into him, both of their mouths falling open, Cas’ in a silent moan and guttural moans coming from the older man.

As Dean started to pick up his speed their breathing got harder as their pleasure grew and Cas almost forgot who was plowing him, but as he got closer he really didn’t care. He figured if he was going to do this, and make it convincing, then he would have to go all out. “Dean, wait!” Cas stopped him.

“Shit, Cas are you okay? Did I hurt you, or have you changed your mind and don’t want to do this anymore, talk to me, baby.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Dean.” He rolled over onto his back and leaned up on his elbows. He could now see Dean was leaking pre-cum and almost purple at the tip, not that he was faring much better himself. “Now we can continue.” Cas pulled his legs up and held them in the air for Dean, who looked like he won a fucking prize with how Cas looked at that moment.

Dean situated himself between Cas’ legs and pushed back into him, as soon as they were both comfortable Dean pushed Cas’ hands away from his own legs and held them up himself. Cas threw his arms around Deans shoulders as best he could and they started fucking in earnest, both having had been close before resituating themselves. Dean started nailing Cas’ prostate head on which was making the younger man moan obscenely and then come all over his chest,  
Dean thrusting into him a few more time before emptying himself into the condom.

Cas hadn’t had an orgasm like he just had in a while so he couldn’t find it in him to care that they were resting their foreheads together and just breathing each other in. He expected it when Dean started to kiss him so he reciprocated, though with not as much enthusiasm as Dean was using.

“Did I tire you out?” Dean laughed. ‘Yes’, Cas thought, but that wasn’t why he didn’t kiss him back in the same way. He’d let Dean think what he wanted though so he gave a small, tired smile, letting out a quiet “mm”.

 

After they cleaned up they were both lying in bed spooning, Dean curled up behind Cas who feigned sleeping so that he wouldn’t be stuck in an awkward post-coital conversation. That didn’t stop Dean from talking to him though.

“I don’t know if you’ve forgiven me… or if you’re just doing this for self-preservation,” He could hear the man behind him gulp. “and I can’t tell you what I want to tell you because I know you don’t feel the same, and hearing that from you would kill me.” Dean sighed behind him. “But I just can’t let you go. I can’t, because that would kill me too.” Cas was listening to the man practically declaring his love to him. Once upon a time he might’ve been able to say it back to him too, but not anymore.

There was quiet for a while, Cas nearing sleep when he realized Dean wouldn’t be talking anymore when there was shifting behind him and then his back got cold. He could still feel the man behind him and thought maybe he was just shifting to get more comfortable but upon lifting his head just enough to see behind him. Dean had completely turned his back to Cas and had pillow as a sit-in instead, his eyes closed but he didn’t look peaceful or content to be going to sleep.

He slowly lowered himself back down and closed his eyes, ready for a restless night sleep.

 

 

The next morning Cas woke to an empty bed. This had to have been some kind of trick to see whether or not he would try and make a run for it, his bladder was too full for him to care though as he made his way out of the bedroom to go to the bathroom and take care of it. Upon coming out he could smell bacon and eggs so followed his nose to the kitchen and took a seat at the dining room table. “Good morning.” He mumbled, letting his head fall into his hands.

“Morning.” A cup of coffee was placed in front of Cas and he smiled at Dean gratefully, blowing on the drink and taking a sip of it. “So I have some errands to run today.” Dean started as he placed two plates of food on the table and sat down across from Castiel, looking at him for a moment.

“I’ll stay here.” Cas assured, nodding his head and taking a bite of bacon. “What kind of errands?”

“Just…stuff. Pick up some groceries that we’re low on, maybe grab a beer or something while I’m out.” Cas nodded his head as if that was a good explanation of what Dean would be doing while he was out.

“I know we’re just now eating breakfast but what’s for dinner tonight?”

“Thought about making some meatloaf, figured it’d be easy enough.” Dean said, a mouthful of food while he picks up his plate and marches off to put it in the sink. “I’m gonna go ahead and head out so that I can get back at a decent time tonight so I’ll see you later,” he started walking to the door outside and paused “you’ll be here when I get back?” There was hopefulness in his voice but fear in his eyes.

“Of course.” He smiled, getting up to put his plate with Dean’s. “I’ll probably just find some movies to watch on tv or something.”

Dean fiddled with the keys in his hand. “Right, sounds good. I’ll see you later then.” Cas heard the door lock from the outside, essentially keeping him in.

After he left Cas decided to go ahead and wash up the dishes since he’d need something to eat on later that night.

 

 

It’d been hours and Dean still wasn’t back but Cas was starving. He had gotten bored and couldn’t find anything good on tv so decided on just watching the news. Getting up to see if he could find at least crackers to snack on he went to the cupboards, opening one and finding boxed rices and canned vegetables. When Dean said there wasn’t any food maybe he just meant full meals they could make. He went to the fridge to see if he could at least find something to drink and opened it to see a multitude of packaged meats, condiments, a small bag of salad and even a half case of beer in the back.

“What the hell, Dean?” he muttered to nobody. Why would he say they had no food when they were almost completely stocked? He got back into the fridge and grabbed a beer, he may not have been old enough to drink it but nobody was here to stop him.

He sat back down on the couch just in time for Dean to come back through the front door, rushing back to where their bedroom was and not saying anything to Cas whose eyes followed him as he went back. As quick as he wasn’t going it wasn’t fast enough for Cas to miss the blood spots on Dean’s shirt and pants.

He whipped back around to the tv as there was a ‘BREAKING NEWS’ banner floating at the bottom of the screen talking about _the murder of one Ed Zedmoore in his mobile home just an hour before. Neighbors said they didn’t hear anything and didn’t see anybody but the body was found when best friend and roommate, Harry Spangler showed up at their house and called police. Spangler is now in custody as the main suspect of having been the cause of the gruesome scene._ Cas could hear Dean’s heavy footsteps coming so changed the channel by pressing random numbers on the remote. He sat back and tried to seem comfortable, taking a drink of the beer in his hand and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

Dean plopped down next to him, “Didn’t get a chance to make it to the store, got caught up talking to people are the bar so we’ll just have to scrounge for food tonight.” His voice was almost dead and completely devoid of emotion.

“That’s fine.” Cas replied, “not worried about that.”

He would have to end this sooner than he thought, he just needed the right moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell, this story is winding up. We are getting close to the end, maybe just one or two more chapters but don't forget to check out my other WIP that I just started The Kinda Fake but Also Maybe Real Boyfriend


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this, you guys ready? I'm not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came.

A week later and Cas can see that Dean seems to be more upbeat and like he’s smiling more, sometimes even for no reason. He never truly understood just how big of a problem Dean had until recently. If killing people is what brought him happiness then he is completely and certifiably insane.

He’d been getting more freedom around the bunker too, he was actually allowed to walk around and explore without Dean hovering over him or asking where he was going, Cas guessed that the sex the week prior might have had a little to do with that too. They actually were running low on groceries now since Dean made breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of the week, insisting they need to have actual meals and not survive on just snacks. Noticing they didn’t have a lot of food left and shopping needed done, Cas mentioned it to Dean.

“Yeah, sure. I should probably go today actually so that we have something for breakfast in the morning, I’m thinking French toast.” He groaned at his own suggestion.

Cas nodded his head, that actually did sound good. “Okay, I’ll wait here and try and find something to eat for now.” Dean didn’t even question him this time, grabbing his car keys and bunker keys, dropping a kiss on top of Cas’ head before heading out. Cas heard the door look behind him, same as last time. He may have more freedom now but he still wasn’t completely trusted.

He started to explore the bunker more, knowing there was still a few areas he hadn’t been to before. He heads down a long hallway and opens door as he passes them to stick his head in and see what’s in there. The fist door he opened just had a water heater in it, the second one had another bathroom totaling up to three so far that he had seen, when he opened the third door he stopped and stepped inside, turning on the light and closing the door behind him.

The wall in front of him was covered in guns. Most just tiny handhelds but there was also some that he used when he used to hunt with his dad. He walked up to the wall and trailed his hand along the guns, lifting up a stainless steel Colt M1911 that had an engraved side and ivory grips. It was beautiful and obviously very well taken care of. He took out the clip to see that it was loaded, making him assume that all the others were as well. Putting the clip back in he carefully put it back in the exact same spot he had found it and shut the lights off before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him, memorizing where the room was for later.

He went back to the main room and sat down on the couch, starting a movie to watch before Dean got back which was only over an hour later. To Cas’ relief he came back with groceries like he said instead of empty-handed and covered in blood.

He helped to put groceries back but left the things out that they would need for meatloaf that night so dinner would be ready earlier and he’d be able to fake a stomach ache and turn in earlier too. Dean noticed he hadn’t put everything away. “You want me to get started cooking now?” He look at the stove clock “it’s barely past five. You’ll be hungry later tonight.” Dean warned.

Cas shrugged. “Haven’t eaten a whole lot today, plus I’m sure there will be leftovers that I could heat up in the middle of the night if I get too hungry later on.” Dean nodded his head.

“Yeah sure, I’ll get started then. Why don’t you just sit up at the bar or something and I’ll make it right now.” Rolling his eyes, he took a seat at the bar in the kitchen and stared at nothing. “So what did you do while I was gone?”

He had a small moment of panic, not sure of what to say before he settled on something that was mostly the truth. “I watched a movie, just relaxed on the couch. Nothing too big.”

“Alright, well dinner won’t be too long. I’ll try and get it out as soon as I can.” Cas nodded his head in thanks continuing to watch him cook, waiting impatiently for the food so he could go to bed early and get the chance to get up even earlier.

 

 

It was around four in the morning when Cas woke up, he was being loosely held by Dean behind him. He carefully wiggled his way out of the man’s arms and walked down to the hallway that he’d remembered seeing the room with all the firearms in. Slowly opening the door he stepped in and walked straight to the handgun he’d been fawning over. He picked it up, making sure it was still loaded and tiptoed back to their shared room.

He held the gun loosely at his side, fingering the safety before turning it off. Lifting the gun and aiming it right at Dean’s sleeping form he took a deep breath and held it, before letting his arm fall as he exhaled. Walking back he was trying to come up with excuse for himself as to why he didn’t just do it, why he couldn’t have just pulled the trigger.

The man was sleeping, you can’t just shoot a man in his sleep, that’s a coward move. He would never even have the chance to defend himself. Not to mention Dean had never done anything bad to him, besides drugging him twice and taking him to this place in the middle of nowhere to stay and not letting him leave the house, and making him kill his own mother.

Except… Dean never made him do that. He did that all on his own so that he could get away from her and because she’s the one that killed his father, but his father had killed Dean’s brother all those years ago so it’s not like he was a good person either. He turned the safety back on and placed it where it belonged with the rest of them. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now, this was really difficult and he didn’t think that he could handle it. He started lightly beating his head when he could sense another presence in the room. Whipping around he saw Dean leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed.

“What are you doing, Cas?”

He gulped, “I can explain.” And he hoped to God that he actually could.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the last chapter guys. Not gonna lie, I got a little emotional on this one. I've been working on the Stoker Series for over two years so writing this ending was very bittersweet for me. Thanks for reading and feel free to drop comments of any kind and read some of my other stories!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The worst day of loving someone is the day you lose them, but part of you believes they'll always come back

They talked for hours, Cas was crying by the end of it having spilled out everything he’d been thinking since he went along with Dean. He was heaving for breath between sobs while Dean just stared at him from where he was sitting on the coffee table, looking heartbroken at the idea that Cas was going to shoot him when all he wanted to do was love him.

“And th-then y… you…came back c-covered in blood from killing that other guy and it ma-akes me think you’re some kind of psycho!” Dean went rigid.

“How did you know about that?”

“I’m not an idiot, Dean. It was all over the news.” Cas said, exasperated. He threw his dirty tissue on the coffee table next to where Dean was sitting, not able to bring himself to care how disgusting that was.

“Listen,” Dean started, “I have a problem, and I know that. I also know… that the only way that I could keep myself from hurting you was to hurt someone else, it’s the only way to keep myself from hurting someone that I love.” It was said like it was a secret and Cas stilled.

“Dean, I..”

“You don’t have to say it back, Cas. I get it, I’m a wreck and you want nothing to do with me but I can’t let you go, not now. Not when I know what it’s like to have you here with me.” He paused to breathe. “If you really want to go, honestly and positively would like to leave then I’ll let you. It would kill me, but if it’s what would make you happy, then I can do it for you.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears.

Cas does want to leave, but where would he go? His parents were dead, he had no friends to speak of and he’s too old for foster care. He would be completely and utterly alone, he didn’t want that. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him enough for him to get the message to sit next to him on the couch yet still giving them both their space.

He could stay here, it wouldn’t be too terrible. He could get used to it, three cooked meals a day, sex whenever he pleased. But he also could never go outside again, never hunt again, he’d be stuck inside all day every day and bored out of his mind while Dean did all the running and whatever else it was he would do when he left.

A thought came to him, “Dean, if I’m going to stay here can you do me favor?”

Dean scooted closer to him and grabbed his hand, Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder for the comfort he wanted after his small cry session. “Cas if you stay with me I would give you the world. Whatever it is, you just name it and it’s yours.” He planted kisses on Cas’ hand that he had a hold of.

“Stop hurting people.” That made Dean stop, “or at least if you keep doing it, I don’t want to know about it. I don’t want to see you coming back covered in blood and I don’t want to see it on the news.” He whispered the last part. “Promise me.”

“I promise you won’t see me coming back covered in blood anymore.”

“That’s not funny, Dean. I know what you’re trying to do and I’m not a kid.” He said, angry as he pushed himself up and away from the other man to glare at him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I just told you I can’t turn it off!” he looked at Cas for a moment, “I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’ll wait until you’re asleep and then I’ll do it so by the time I get back you’ll be asleep and won’t see a thing.” Cas reluctantly agreed to that, one small step at a time.

By this point it was already past six and they were both drained so they decided to go back to bed instead of staying up.

When they finally woke again they started the day, everything going normal with meals and watching tv before settling into the couch, Cas willingly pushing himself up against Dean’s side as they tried to decide on a movie to watch.

After the movie was over they talked about what happened earlier that morning for a little and then went back to their room. Cas was laying with his head on Dean’s chest, the man’s breath evening out as he fell asleep. He could live like this, he wouldn’t want for anything since he’d have everything he needs right here. Might take some getting used to but all he would have to do is ask for something if he wanted it and Dean would gladly do anything in his power to make it happen. Almost anything, anyway.

He’d been living with Dean in the bunker for almost two months, things were going fine and Dean actually trusted him enough one night to take them out to dinner for something different. “I’m sure you’re sick of my cooking by now so I figured I’d treat us to something that’s actually good.” Dean joked, earning a small kick to the shin from Cas. He noticed Dean had been looking around the restaurant, eyes darting back and forth, scanning the room, fidgeting with his silverware instead of eating.

He reached his hand across the table and placed it on top of Dean’s. “Are you okay? You’ve barely touched your food and you always eat whatever is put in front of you, sometimes you eat whatever is put in front of me too.” He gave Dean a small smile.

“Yeah, no I’m good. Maybe I just don’t feel good or something, I might be getting sick.” He waved off Cas’ concerns.

“We should probably head back home then, you shouldn’t be out if you’re sick.” Dean nodded in agreement.

“Good idea, you go ahead to the car,” he passed his keys to Cas, “I’ll pay for the dinner and be right out.

Cas took the keys and headed out to the car while Dean flagged down their waiter. He sat in the car for a good five minutes before Dean finally came out and slid into the driver seat. “What took you so long?”

“Damn wait staff kept badgering me about taking home what we didn’t eat and getting dessert after I told them “no” a thousand times, it was nothing.” Cas looked Dean’s face over.

“If you say so.” They got back to the bunker and Cas shared a concern with Dean. “Maybe you should go to bed, you might feel better in the morning with some rest.” He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed.

“Actually I meant to stop by a drug store to pick up some cold medicine on the way back to kick this is the butt before it gets too bad so I should probably go do that.” He tried to excuse himself.

“I think that can wait until morning, I was always told bed rest and fluids was the best remedy, why don’t we both ju-“

“I don’t want to go to bed, Cas. I want to go get some medicine and then I’ll come back and go to bed.” Dean sounded irritated when he said it. Cas took a few steps back and crossed his arms in front of himself, almost like a shield. Dean sighed and let his head hang for a second. “I’m sorry,” he started to walk closer to Cas who took another small step backward, just in case. “I just… I get very irritated when I’m like this and I shouldn’t take it out on you.” He was able to wrap his arms around Cas when he got close enough to. “I’ll go do something about this and then it’ll be fine. In the meantime, you go ahead and head to bed. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Cas nodded in compliance, Dean leaving a kiss on his forehead before he headed out. Cas started stripping down to get more comfortable on his way to their room and laid down on their bed, getting under the blankets. He was going to force himself to stay up until Dean got back but he must’ve fallen asleep soon after he hit the bed since he was awoken when he felt Dean crawling into bed with him. He cracked one eye open to look at his bedside clock and it read one in the morning. It doesn’t take that long to get cold medicine.

He was wide awake after he realized what Dean had been doing when he said he was getting something to make him feel better. He should’ve seen it earlier, Dean wasn’t eating, him being fidgety at dinner and the excuse to leave late at night without him. He waited for Deans’ breathing to even out before getting out of the bed. He needed proof, he wasn’t going to believe it unless he saw for himself. He headed down to the laundry room and quietly opened the washer and dryer to find both empty. He sighed in relief before noticing a dirty laundry basket hidden in the corner of the room. Taking a deep breath and praying to whatever God was out there he dumped the basket over and started digging through the clothes, only to find what he’d been dreading down at the bottom of the pile; a completely blood soaked shirt with splattered pants to go with it.

He threw the garments onto the floor and shoved himself up. His breathing was erratic, if Dean was going to continue doing this then he wasn’t going to live with him. He refused. Going into the gun room he picked up the same gun as last time, he thought Dean would’ve been smarter since last time and lock them up but apparently not, and he went back to their room not even trying to be quiet this time.

He stomped through the bunker and when he got to their room he yelled “Dean!” making the man jump and sit up in bed, rubbing his eyes and reaching over to turn on the bedside lamp. When he was able to focus after being awoken so abruptly his eyes trained on a gun, yet again in Cas’ hands and pointed at him.

“I thought we talked about this Cas.” He was remarkably calm for someone who was two seconds from being shot, Cas thought.

“I thought we did too, Dean. We talked about it and you agreed you wouldn’t hurt people anymore! We agreed that if I was going to stay here then you would stop doing what you were doing! I saw your damn clothes, Dean.” Tears of anger started sliding down his face but he didn’t care.

“I can’t stop, Cas!” Dean shouted back, standing from the bed, “I agreed that you wouldn’t see me come home in bloody clothes anymore, I agreed that you wouldn’t even know what I was doing and you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t gone searching for something you didn’t have to see!”

Cas’ face fell, “You’re right. This is my fault, all of it. I actually thought,” his arms quivered and the gun dropped to his side. “that I could come to love you. Hell, maybe I already do in some way, or I never would’ve done all the things I’ve done for you, because of you. Maybe it’s some kind of fucked up Stockholm syndrome.” Dean saw his opportunity and started slowly walking forward, making Cas’ arms shoot up and aim the gun straight at Dean again.

“Listen to me, I love you, and you just said you love me too. Why don’t you just put the gun down and we can forget all about this. We can be happy, and we both know you’re not gonna shoot me, Cas.” Dean started walking toward Cas again, making him take a few steps back.

“You’re right, Dean.” He conceded, “I could never hurt you, and I hate that. But I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live with what you’ve done to me, but I forgive you.” Before Dean knew what was happening, Cas switched the gun to one hand, brought it up to his temple and shot himself.

“Cas!” Dean cried, running to the boy but it was too late. He kicked the gun down the hall, sinking to the floor and picking up Cas’ lifeless body and put it into his lap, not caring that he was drenching yet another shirt of his in blood. He cradled the body to his chest. “Cas, please. You can’t be dead, pleaepleasepleaseplease. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry.” He knew there was no hope but he had to check anyway so he put his fingers to Cas’ pulse point only to not feel even an inkling of a pulse.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there sobbing over the boy’s body but when he was too exhausted to even cry anymore he lifted Cas up and took him over to the bed and gently laid him down over the covers. He walked over to the table next to his side of the bed and unlocked his phone, punching in three numbers.

_“9-1-1, what it your emergency?”_ the tinny voice asked.

“My name is Dean Winchester, I’d like to report a murder.”

 

 

“Who the hell is he talking to?” Victor leans over and asks officer Mills next to him.

Jody smiles at the live video feed showing the man behind bars who’s sitting cross legged at the head of his bed, seemingly talking to someone with a huge dopey grin on his face. “With that look, I’d say he’s talking to Castiel.”

“Who the hell is that? There’s nobody else in that cell, the guy’s just nuts.” He shook his head. “Why are you smiling anyway? He’s nothing special.”

She shrugged and turned toward him, “I like him, seems like a good kid to me.” Victor almost spit his coffee out.

“That ‘good kid’ in there admitted to the murders of Ed Zedmoore, Meg Masters, Michael Novak, Anna Novak, their son Castiel and even his own brother Sam Winchester. You call that a ‘good kid’?” her smile falters a bit.

“I don’t think he did all of those. A couple of them maybe, but not all of them.”

“His last kill was by his own registered gun and he was covered in the victim’s blood by the time we got there. Like hell he didn’t do it.” Mills rolled her eyes, fed up with Victor.

“Nobody would call the cops on themselves after having killed someone then admit to six other murders as well. If you’ll excuse me, I have some rounds to make.” She excused herself, walking to the inmate block.

 

 

“I still dream about you, Cas. I miss you every single day, but I am so glad to have met you. To have gotten the chance to love you, it was the best part of my life.” There’s a baton tapping on his bars so he looks up.

“Lights out, Winchester,” Officer Mills informs him, a soft look on her face. “time to tell Cas, goodnight.” He nods his head, showing he understands before she walks on to the next cell.

“Good night, Cas.” He says as he leans over to shut off the tiny lamp he has next to him, “I know you’ll be watching over me.”


End file.
